I never...

I never would have left my first child alone in a bed while he slept (on his stomach and under the covers) when he was only a month old....

I never would have let my first child get his face painted at a carnival when he was only 5 months old...

And, I never would have given my first child a pickle for lunch when he was only 6 months old....

Poor Andrew, he doesn't stand a chance.